


Letters Never Sent

by rileeey



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Byun Baekhyun & Park Chanyeol are Best Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Letters, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Sad Byun Baekhyun, Sick Character, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:14:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23872978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rileeey/pseuds/rileeey
Summary: Baekhyun writes letters for Chanyeol every single day thinking that it will help him get rid of his love for his best friend except for the fact that it doesn't and Baekhyun doesn't know what to do anymore.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	1. First Letter

**Author's Note:**

> this will hurt a little too much so i'm apologizing in advance o(╥﹏╥)o

Unsent Letter #1765

Yeol,

I don't have any idea of why am I still writing this letter to you but I did just like how I must have stayed friends with you but I fall in love. It is really funny to think about how I must be telling you this personally because you are my best friend but I ended up writing letters to be a witness of my unheard and will never be appreciated feelings for you. This is like a thousandth letter I have for you and if you happened to read this (which I know that will never happen), I want you to know that all of these letters tell how much I love you more than what you think is--more than just your petite nerdy best friend who always makes fun of loving his own best friend.

Yeol, believe it or not, I tried to confess everything to you not just once but too many times but it ended up like a joke for you. I can still remember the first time I did it. It is still as clear as crystal, I can still recall every word you said to me. I promised myself that I don't want to remember it anymore because it still leaves the pain just like the first time but life is funny as such as you think of my feelings for you.

Remember the last night of our retreat way back in High School? You remember that I said ‘I love you’, don’t you? But you just said that I must be drunk and need some rest. I insisted that I wasn’t and you insisted that I am. You even lectured me on why did I drink too much even though I know that I have a low alcohol tolerance on our way back our retreat room. Now tell me, if I was drunk that night would I be able to tell these things to you right now? Would I memorize those words that you whisper right into my ears before you leave me inside the room? Would I remember that you said, "I know you don't mean that love, Baek. Rest and tomorrow will be fine”.

_It seems like tomorrow will never come. I’m still not fine, Yeol._

On our way back home, I was the one who finds my seat first inside the bus and you were right next to me. I pretended I was sleeping and having a hard time enduring my hang-over even though my heart hurts more than anything else. It was the longest and most painful travel that I had with you because I don’t know what kind of face I will show you when all I have got that time was the broken and rejected me.

As soon as I was back home, that was the time I was able to let go of everything that I had been keeping from that night. I cried so hard, that was the worst feeling I ever felt for you. I was drowned by the fantasies that you will love me back because I'm your best friend and was never been slapped by the reality that I am just your best friend. It hurts me to think that I received my first heartbreak from the person I least expected to do so-- from you.

But I never stop letting you feel and hear how much I love you. Yes, I was hurt but I still love you and that’s the fact, the reality, which I live in. The first confession was added by another one until I can’t count it anymore and until it sounds like it just a normal joke to you. Why wouldn’t you just hear me out and let me know you how much I love you? Why can’t you notice it, Yeol? Why are you so dense?

All of these questions were answered when you asked me how to get a girl, how to get the girl you truly love.

That moment, I realized that I was just your best friend and will never be like the girl you're telling me but why does the thought of letting go of my feelings for you take like forever to come into my realization?

One of the most stupid mistakes I made for my life is; while waiting for that realization to come, if it ever does, I help you plan out and get the girl you love because I know that will make you smile and looking at you wearing your smile makes me contented and made me sure that even though I'm not the one causing that happiness your happy. After all, what makes you happy makes me happy also. But I still hopelessly pray that someday, I'm the one that will make you smile, happy, and loved.

I was left out when you were on the relationship. I can’t deny it, there’s no room where can I even deny the jealousy that I felt. I sometimes wish that both of you will end that relationship you have sooner. It makes me wish that I can turn back time and instead of helping you out with that girl, I should have shown you how much I love you. But I'm stupid. I know. I was so stupid to let you love and let you gave everything that you have for that girl when she ended up cheating on you. I should be happy for that moment in your life to know that you’re free from someone’s arm and I’ll be having the great time to give you the love that you need but when you called me that night, crying over the phone and telling me how much you love that girl I wish that I was that girl and wish that I shouldn’t be your best friend after all.

I came to your apartment scattered glasses on the floor, leaving the evidence of destruction of-- not just the things around you--but also yourself. I saw you on your kitchen floor, bottles of alcoholic drink lying beside you as you cover your eyes, stopping your tears from falling. I came across to tap your shoulder, as you look up to me, I saw the other Chanyeol. I saw the Chanyeol that has been damaged because of love. And when you realize that it was me, you gathered up your composure and you hugged me. You hug me while crying out her name, you hugged me while saying that you really love her and you can just let go of her. I wanted to cry. I want you to know how stupid you are for not recognizing me who always been beside you. I want to tell that I’m here to love you more than you do to her, more than you love yourself that I can fix and make you as complete as you used to be. But I ended up hugging you back and telling you that I would talk to her about it that I will help you to be with her again. I don’t know what comes into my mind to tell you that, is it bringing you back to your happiness, or causing you pain once again? But one thing is for certain, I want your happiness. And she’s your happiness.

I did what I have promised you that night. I know that by doing so, I will be hurt more than what it is now, even if it means that I will let someone love you once again even though I’m here to love you more anyone else can. I know I will be the most stupid person ever existed if I did so. And I was.

The moment I saw her, I gathered all the things that I need to tell her about you. I approach her in my kindest way of approaching someone I didn't know. I told her that you love her more than anything else, more than anyone else, and more than yourself. I was begging her to go back to your life to continue having a relationship with you. That you are willing to forgive her when she says her sorry. I was begging her to make you happy once again and that makes my heart bleed and scattered once again. I know that I wished to bring back the time that instead of helping you get her, I must use that time to let you know how much I love you. But it seems like this is the only way that I can show you how much I love you, helping you to get that girl once again because she’s your happiness, your love and I’m just your best friend who loves you secretly, no that’s not the right word, _obviously_ , but you just overlook the truth that I can be yours and I can be the source of your happiness.

And believe me, Yeol what she has responded to me were the words I exactly told you, I didn’t bother to make her words less or make some exaggeration because it wasn’t needed at all. And believe it or not, it hurts me more to hear her response that she was just using you to make her ex-boyfriend go back to her and she planned to entertain you while she's waiting for her past love to come back. It irritates me the most, it hurts like hell to hear those words from her because for heaven's sake I was willing to give you up for her because I know that she can make you happy but it seems that the table turns so suddenly. She was just using you because she wants her happiness back.

I promise that it was all that she had said but it looks like saying the truth about it was my mistake. I saw how much you have been hurt by those words and you know what? I experienced the pain three folds more than you because I can’t bear to see you like that. I can’t bear to see that you are hurt just because you love someone. I can see myself to you. We experience the same kind of pain I have that pain from you and you have that pain from the one you love. I never imagined that loving could be this so complicated and I somehow wish that maybe, even just a split of a second, you'll be hurt because of me and cry as you do for her.

Weeks passed and I saw that you are slowly moving on from that heartbreak. I thought things will be back to what it was supposed to be, that the world will just turn around for the both of us not until I notice that you started to avoid me for the reason that I know even know. Even though you are not telling things about it, I know that something is happening. Something will once again wreck the bond we have established over the past weeks.

_And I was right._

It was a normal day for the both of us, there’s nothing more special but I decide to come over your apartment for some talks and movie marathon, I brought everything we need that night I was going to surprise you that but like a cliché scene in a movie I used to criticize for happening now and then, I was the one who is being surprised. I was able to enter your apartment because Krystal opened the door for me, she was wearing your favorite t-shirt that covers only half of her body. She was smiling at me mischievously, and we both know why. And what surprises me the most was when you come down the stairs trying to wear your clothes, you were smiling at first but it was faded when you saw me carrying a bag full of groceries, you frown and I can sense that you are not fine to see me.

I am not fine to see you like this too. I don’t want to think that something had happened between the both of you in the middle of the night and it was only you and her who are inside of that apartment. I don't want to think about it. I really don't want to but we both know that it can _possibly_ happen. Krystal walked upstairs leaving both of us in your living room. I don't want to speak, I can't speak. There's a lump in my throat that keeps me from doing so. "I don't owe an explanation from you, but please in respect of our friendship, give me at least a little bit of it,” that’s what I’m going to ask you but I can’t because it means that I will be shedding tears in front of you. I don’t want you to see me crying, I was hurt because of you and you don’t speak either but you’re looking at me like you never did. There's a fit of caged anger in your eyes that I don't know where it was coming until you grab my hands to pull me out of your apartment. I never imagined you doing this to me, I never imagine that anger coming from you, and I never imagine you could be like this because of a girl you love. And what hurts me more is the fact that you believe her more than me. You believe her that I was just ruining your relationship with her that what I’ve said to you after I beg her to come back to your life as all made up by me because I'm in love with you and I want you to be mine. For heaven's sake, Yeol. Yes, I'm in love with you, I'm crazy in love with you but ever since we were young did you even see me pushing myself to you? All I want for you is your happiness and I give it all to you even though it means that you’re loving someone, even it means to hurt myself. You don’t hear a thing about me and I even help you out with that girl. And now, you’re telling me that I’m such a pathetic boy who would be so desperate to have you?

I punched you hard. I wasn’t able to stop my tears from flowing after hearing those words. That’s the reason why you’re avoiding me, that’s the reason you’re staying away from me for weeks because you think I’m a liar and I’m such a desperate guy. I wasn't able to defend myself from all the words that you said to me and all I can manage to do is to punch you. I cried hard in front of you while you still look shocked because of what I did. I didn’t speak I was just standing in front of you and crying, sobbing and trying to catch some air because I can’t breathe.

I was thinking of running away from you but my body doesn't cooperate with my mind I was just in front of you, waiting for your sorry but I should have noticed you've changed and I shouldn’t have expected you to wipe my tears because what you did instead of giving an apology to me you just turn you back to me and said, “Leave my life, I don’t want to be with someone like you ever again” I wasn’t able to comprehend what you just have said. Why does it sound so easy for you? Just because of that girl and you're willing to forget everything that we have?

That night when I gathered all my strength, I started to walk back home crying and the skies cooperate with feelings, it started to rain. I was walking, crying in the middle of the pouring rain. I can't feel the cold, but I can feel my heart scattered into million pieces the most, and the next thing I knew, I was in a hospital bed lying and I wake up knowing that I'm dying.

We both know what happened next.

The first thing I want to do when I got discharged from the hospital after several weeks of being there was to tell you that I’m sorry for punching you and I can’t bear to let go of you in my life even though you never became mine in the first place. I was thinking that since I'm dying, I want our friendship to be like it was before that I'm willing to forgive you for believing what Krystal has told you about me as long as you stay friends with me.

But anyway, when I told you my dying, you just said, “Then die.” Oh thanks for the support, my friend. Thanks for not listening. I really appreciate your thoughts about my situation. Don’t worry one day you’ll just going to see me in my coffin pale, breathless and lifeless. It was good to know, that for how many years we’ve been together I’m just useless, meaningless friend of yours. And you don’t give a damn care for me.

After all, thanks for the pain and agony you have brought to my life, and thanks for breaking my heart figuratively and literally.

_Baekhyun_

Ps: Thank you for inviting me to attend your wedding with Krystal but I’m so sorry if I can’t go. I think that I’m not that important for the ceremony since you’ve suspected me to be the wrecker of that relationship. Anyways, I have forgiven you about that. I have forgiven you even though you don't even think of apologizing to me. I love you and my heart beats for you _always_. But I'm trying to move on. Trust me but I can't. And this is unbelievable.


	2. Second Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Life is not about certainty it is about how you respond to your destiny"

Unsent Letter #1825

Yeol,

You always tell me that things happened because they supposed to happen. That even there exist millions of choices, you'll always end up choosing the one that is destined to happen to you and your life. You always tell me that life is not about certainty it is about how you respond to your destiny.

But I always disagree with you because, for me, life is always about choices. It's always the decision you make that brings you to the path you are supposed to take. There are no such things as destiny and fate. It is about why did you choose that one over the million others, it is why you didn't choose when it supposed to be the right choice. But since you always tell me that we are destined to be with each other and I always smile with that thought because I always think that we are destined to be with each other in a romantic way that you will end up loving me like the way I love you but I somehow misinterpret that kind of thought, you didn’t mean it like that. When you say we’re destined it only means that we are just supposed to be friends and nothing more or less, that we’re just supposed to love each other as friends and beyond that is a choice that shouldn’t be taken.

But I think, I’m destined to love you.

I swear, Yeol even the choices in my life align with the decision of loving you. I promised I tried thousands of choices just to avoid that kind of path but it always brings me back to where I started and that was the time I said to myself that, “Yeol is right, what supposed to happen, must happen.”

I don’t blame you for falling in love with Krystal, I don’t blame myself for falling in love with you, it was one of the greatest but also one of the saddest things that happened to my life. If I only keep that love within me, if I only keep that feeling secretly, I shouldn't be like this. If I only explained myself to you that night, the situation will never be like this. I shouldn't be loving you from afar and I must not be suffering from this pain.

But I have nothing to do. That was all destined to happen.

To tell you the truth, I look so stupid for writing this letter to you. I know that you will never read this and I won't let it happen. I don't want you to discover my hidden emotions through this letter when it supposed to be heard from me but I perfectly know that you won't listen to me either.

It has been five years since that thing happened to us, since the last time we talked face-to-face. And I can’t deny that everything we have was just like a dream that will never come into reality, that all the things that happened to us are all now part of my memory and what makes my fragile, literally, fragile heart breaks. It seems like your relationship with Krystal became well and it was like you were enjoying and loving her more and more each day. I saw how you grow and how your relationship with Krystal grow more matured in every time both of you encountered obstacles and problems in your relationship. And there I realized I'm watching a movie, I'm watching the love of my life but not me as the other main character. In your movie, I'm just a stupid, desperate extra that once became your best friend to help you out of everything and now I'm slowly disappearing in the scene, in your memory, in your life, and your heart.

I accepted it all since I don't know when but the pain still lingers like it will only stop if it reaches forever, which is impossible to reach just like you, so close but so far away before and now, so far and will continue to go farther from me.

It has been five long years, Yeol, I didn't expect that I can still live long like this and I also didn’t expect that will be this far from each other. That day I've known that my heart illness was still prevailing, I didn't bother asking why is it happening because I've known it since then but I thought that medicines and maintenance can help at least prolong my life but when someone's emotion is involved in the situation, there's no way you can survive and that's what happened to me. I have been spending my love too much for you, Yeol that I even forget how to be happy. I depended on my happiness on you and now, I have nothing to do because you are not with me anymore. Especially, now that you're already married to Krystal. 

And maybe because that’s what is destined to happen to you.

But I have a question for you, it has been bothering me, tell me what's the point of sending me your wedding invitation? We haven't talked since the last time I told you I'm going to die and now, you invited me to be your groomsman I don't know if you’re really thinking to hurt me more than you could ever do. I don't get the point of messing up with my life again. I'm happy for you. That's an understatement. You finally met someone you can spend the rest of your life with. But it doesn't mean that you have to slap it on my face too hard. I'm sorry if I don't get the strength to attend your wedding ceremony, after all, I'm not the important person to be at the said ceremony. Who am I though? I'm just the most stupid and desperate person who tried to ruin your relationship right? I'm thinking if you really intended to invite me to witness that ceremony because I've been a part of your life or you just trying to show me that I don't win over ruining your relationship, which I never did.

Anyways, once again I'm sorry. Actually, last minutes before the said time of your wedding, I was thinking of going but then I realize that even without me the ceremony will start and will obviously end. The ceremony will be just between the both of you and it doesn't matter if someone like me, Byun Baekhyun, attends it or not. Thank you for inviting me by the way and I wish you all the best like I always did. I'm sorry that I've forgotten that I was once your best friend, the one who's always by your side. And to clear this is out, I just want you to know that this is not an act of revenge or what, I'm just protecting my heart from further breaking and I'm keeping my life span a little bit longer.

I still love you and I will always do. And I wish that it had never happened to me.

My heart is breaking once again I can feel it. I'm annoyed with all these tears flowing down my face and smearing this letter, I know that if you're going to read this, but obviously I won't let you, you'll going to notice that my handwriting is a bit odd from what you usually see I'm sorry the medicine I'm taking has so much side effects on my body. My hand trembles as my shoulders shake from my crying over this letter. I know it has nothing to go to, I’m just spending my time writing this for the unknown reason for the person that will never hear me out. I’m just spending the time of my life doing something for you once again.

Tell me, Yeol. What did you do to me that makes me always think of you and love you like this? I can’t forget you, even though I tried so hard. I've spent almost half of my life being with you and I'm still spending the other half thinking on how can I forget you. We have too many happy memories together before that Krystal came to your life. It was all I supposed to remember but you know what? What is clear and fresh to my memories are the memories that hurt me the most, in that way I remember how stupid and foolish I am. It hurts me to think about why I am still living when I'm supposed to die. I'm not begging or making excuses when I said to you that I’m dying and if you’re thinking why I am still living, I don’t know the reason either. To clarify things up, I have a Dilated Cardiomyopathy, this term is very technical, but for you to understand what it is really, it a kind of heart disease whose main damage is the left ventricle of my heart that weakened the pumping of my blood all over my body. It will only first damage that certain part until it badly affects the other parts of my heart. The doctor said that any time I may experience fainting and irregular palpitation and I might lose my life with just a single blow especially that my condition doesn't show any development or progress the doctor can only see that my condition worsens from time to time.

Remember my mom who left me with my abusive father when I was young? She's the one who has this kind of disease and she makes it a gift to me. Dilated Cardiomyopathy is hereditary, Yeol and my mom is the carrier of this disease and she had passed it on me, just to remember her, obviously, in the most painful way like you do. And you know what, to tell you the truth, I’m happy for my mom, even though she suffered the same disease as I do, she was able to spend her life with my father but life is not as perfect as we always think there's always something that will happen to wreck everything. My mom decided to leave earlier than she will. She left us with no promise of tomorrow and that blew up the bubble of my fantasies. I don't know where is she or is she still living but anyways, at least she was able to make her life just like she wants it to be and not depending on her emotion with someone else like his son does. I wish that except for this freaking disease that makes me suffer, I wish that I also had inherent the strong will and independence of my mother. 

It is really ironic to think that those person who supposed to love and take care of me, that those person who I least expected to hurt me and cause me pain are the one who leaves and painful pain the most. First, my dad tried to kill me before because of my mother. Remember you were the one who helped me deal with that right? But now you're one of the reasons why I am slowly dying. Second, my mom left me without saying something, without leaving a clue of coming back to my life ever again and you with the combination of both. You who hurt me and still hurting me from afar, and there's no assurance that you will ever come back to my life again. But I probably know the answer, it is surely no.

By the way, Yeol, the doctor once again said that I need to take more dosage than I used to have. It has been that kind of situation every time I come to see her, she’s always making my dosage up because my body resists absorbing the good effects of my medicine. I'm planning to stop taking those medicines sooner or later because all I can feel is the negative side effects of it, it won't cure me, I know that it will only prolong my life a little bit but after all let’s accept the fact that I’m going to die without anybody on my side, without you, specifically knowing that I was not making up stories just to please you back of my life. I know that if I’m going to tell you this once again, you're just going to tell me to die because you don't care for me anymore. The doctor offers me a heart transplant because she also knows that I'm a hopeless case. I have nowhere to go, I'm hopelessly dying. I may consider that plan if I ever have a will to live but it seems like I don’t have any so what’s the point of doing right? I have nothing to live with and I would be thankful if tomorrow will never to me, it would the most wonderful gift I will ever receive because finally, I will be free from this fragile heart and free from hurting myself because of loving someone who will never know how much I love him. No, I’m not romanticizing death here, I will never do but if someone is right here in my situation where death is near yet so far from approaching when life gives you nothing but false hopes you are just going to tell that all you wanted to do is to die. I don't want to die because someone doesn't love me back, I want to die because of the pain that visits me every day it will start from my chest until in just a couple of seconds it has already crawled around my whole body, around my whole well-being.

Jongin once visited me and said to me that you are trying to know where I am staying right now. What’s the point? But for you to know the answer, I'm leaving on an apartment that Suho-hyung provided me. It is a bit bigger for me and for my nurse who’s taking good care of me. I left the house that both of my parents left with us, I don't want to stay there any longer it possesses too many tragic memories that won’t help live longer than I used to right now. But for now, I really wish that I just live there in pain so that I won’t be suffering for too much pain right now, if I just died before, I won’t be able to witness you marry a girl who cheated on you and fed you with stupid lies. I hate you, Yeol for believing her, I hate that you are so stupid when it comes to love, I hate you because I see myself from you, I can see how I can be so stupid and fool for love. I can see that we are just the same but you on a different person. Now, I don't have any idea how to break the bond between the both of you, now that you are married to her, I have nothing to do but just accept it and move on, even though I have been trying that things for several years already.

I know that loving and marrying Krystal is just your way of responding to what your destiny’s trying to imply to your life. That it was all supposed to happen to you and to your life. I know that you are just playing the part of being destined to that girl and I'm destined to watch that scene from afar even though I'm breaking and wishing that somehow, in another world I am Krystal and you'll be loving me more than just your best friend. I wish in another world, I'm not your best friend, you’re not Park Chanyeol and I’m not Byun Baekhyun, I wish in another world, Byun Baekyun is strong enough to make his choices a little good so that he’ll never experience this kind of pain.

Congrats Mr. And Mrs. Park. Your long-forgotten best friend is happy for you and at the same time, it breaks his heart seeing you happy on someone's side. Just know that no matter how painful you did to him, you'll always have the same place and the same amount of space in his broken heart. He loves you and will always maybe until death and rebirth.

_Baekhyun_


	3. Third Letter

Unsent Letter #3138

Yeol,

I remember you telling me a story about two guys who were best friend since they were young, I always remember that dimpled smile you have every time you start the story and when it ends, we both heave a hefty sigh.

You will always start with, "It started when Cee met Bee on the playground when they were still young," and I will always think that Cee is you, Chanyeol and that Bee stands for Baekhyun. I can imagine the story very well because instead of making up my imaginary characters as you tell me the story, I make both us as Cee and Bee. And maybe that's the reason why my hopes get too high.

You continue while still wearing that dimpled smile on your face and me on your chest finding my solace as the smell of your favorite mint perfume touches my sense of smell and every time I hear your heart beats, I don't know if you are just excited to tell that same old story or you palpitate so fast just like what I do now but I can hear that your heart beats faster like I do every time I'm near with you.

"Cee will always want Bee as his playmate because he is just cute, adorable and petite just like you-- Bee is petite like you, disregard the cute and adorable because it is not you," I will slap your chest and you will laugh because of it. You always stop the story just to tease me and you don't know how much I miss them now. _How much I miss you._

"Cee doesn't notice that he was innocently in love with his playmate, his best friend," even you've told me that a hundred times already, we never missed that chance to look at each other everytime you say 'best friend' and every time that happened, I wish that it was our story but as you continue, I will only realize that it is only _my story_.

"Cee and Bee continue as friends as they grew up. They go to the same University, the same college course and they join the same club that they always want to join. Everything was perfectly fine between the both of them until Cee discovered that he's deeply in love with his best friend, Bee," that makes the story mine. And as you continue, every word you speak, it stabs me hard like a dagger, it is like a realization bang me on the wall, if you only know that it has the same story as your best friend would you want to listen to it until the end?

Probably no.

"Cee hides his feelings for Bee because he doesn't want to ruin the friendship they have built since they're young and even though he wants to tell Bee everything, he just keeps it inside because what if Bee rejects his love for him, what if Bee doesn't want his love? That what if's are the reason why Cee deep-pocketed his love for Bee and for assurance, Cee will someday confess all of this, he just wants to prepare himself, who knows that what if's come into reality." It amazes me to realize that while writing this letter I can still hear your voice saying that line, that deep voice I used to love and I will, forever.

"The end" and that what makes me look up at you. You always end the story with no proper ending at all. Just like what you did in real life, you always end up everything with no proper reason. You make everything high and you just suddenly tell me it's the end.

I will ask you with furrowed brows, "Why did you end the story right away?" and you'll answer me like you're sure of it, "I just end there but I promise I'll continue it takes patience, Baek. Cee and Bee don't show any progress at all,"

“You should say ‘to be continued’ instead,” you’re going to smile and shake your head.

“’The end’, Baek” I clicked my tongue because I disagree but you will pat my head and whisper, “Patience,”

"Then until when will I wait for that progress to come?"

"Let's wait for Bee to realize" and in unison, we'll always that heave a heavy sigh. And I will always say to myself, just like Cee waiting for Bee, I'm waiting for you to realize how much I love, I hope it doesn't take too long. And now, I’m still thinking the same thing I hope it doesn't take too long, I might die sooner than what I expected and I will die with no progress with you and with Cee and Bee.

That story will always be the start of our conversation about our future life, planning and dreaming about the life that will soon to come and I can still clearly remember you telling me that if someday you come to marry someone, he or she will be the luckiest because no matter what happened, you won’t hurt him or her and you will never let go of him or her even if it means that you will hurt yourself. You said you’re going to fight your love for that certain someone no matter what happened. And I will always wish that shortly, I hope I will be that lucky person. But no.

I know you’re the type of person that once you said something, you’re going to do it no matter what. That’s why when you said that you don’t want me to be with your life anymore. I believe that you really mean it. But I’m still holding on the promise that you will continue the story of Cee and Bee because I want to know how will you react if you know that I and Cee have the same story.

_*paused*_

I almost forget that I’ve been writing this letter, Jongin and Jongdae called me that they were coming to my house. What’s with Jongdae’s news? What’s with the divorce? What happened between you and Krystal that makes you want to end your marriage with her? Yeol, what are you thinking, you only got married to her three years ago and now, you're telling your friends that you want to settle a divorce with her? I thought you love her, I thought you were willing to give your life to her. What’s happening, Yeol? Did you fall out of love with her or you just realize that I was right when I said that you shouldn’t have given your love to her? But since you know that I'm trying to avoid myself from further hurting, the decision will be all from you. I don’t know the reason why and I’m not in the right position to tell you what are the things that you need to do about this. But if you don’t want her to be in your life, it may sound too desperate but I never close my heart from welcoming you back. I’m willing to be by your side just like we always do when we were still in good terms and no Krystal in your life. I sometimes think that the reason on why I am still alive is because I have to witness these happenings to your life when I said I'm watching the movie of your life and I'm just an extra, I should have noticed that not all main characters have the perfect ending and for your movie, maybe Krystal is not the one and I'm not telling that I am because I know since the time you let me out of your apartment, you already let me out of your life also. And I know that I won’t be the good person to be with you in the ending because Yeol, this time, I'm a hundred percent sure that my life will be ending soon, it may take several months but yes, I'm dying.

I stop taking up my medicines and maintenance several weeks ago, I stopped going on to my hospital appointments and maybe this will be the last letter which I will be writing up for you. I will be soon permanently leaving your life, Yeol. It just so happened that I will be leaving you with this kind of situation, in a situation where you are going to end up the relationship with the one who you thought you’re going to spend the rest of your life with.

_*paused*_

Why do you always have to hurt me like this? I’m ready to die but now you’re telling me you want to go back to my life and I was right about Krystal? Jongin and Jongdae told me about the divorce and you were the one who initiated that move, Krystal is pregnant, she’s bearing a child who you discovered is not yours. You know that she’s been cheating on you even before your marriage but why you insisted to marry her? Is it because you love her or because you are blinded by the truth that she’ll never love the way you love her because she’s in love and willing to give her life to another man. It is like I'm talking to myself. I'm saying things that I also did. Yeol, why are we so stupid to the point that we just hurting ourselves? I’m willing to let go of you, but how can I if I can see you hurting like this? Can’t you see, Yeol, I'm willing to do everything for you even though I'm on the verge of dying you're still the one I care the most. It hurts that you only realize that I'm still important to you when you broke me million times already. Jongin told me you want to meet me and that you have to tell me everything that you needed to tell me. I don’t know which will hurt me more, the fact that I will see you cry and telling me sorry because I was right or the fact the I already stop my life when I saw hope coming from you. I don’t know what to do with you, Yeol, I made up my mind. I can die any time now, I just wish that it is never too late for you to come around.

 _Yeol, I’m tired_.

This maybe one of the shortest letters I ever have written for you but I can’t write anymore, Yeol. I’m so tired I have so many things that I want to write about you in this letter. I have so many things to tell you but I can feel that I’m not strong enough to do so. All the letters I’ve written for you are still kept on the box wherein you put your last gift for me. I can’t remember how many letters are there but it is all yours. If that happened to come across your hands and you decided to read them make sure I’m already six feet under the ground I don’t want to see your response to those letters I might regret the time I stop my medicine and ignore the heart transplant.

If you are willing to continue the divorce process with Krystal, just know that I'm always here for you and I will support not because I want you back to my life but because I want what’s good for you, I don’t want to see you hurting like this. I want all the great things for you, that’s my last wish before I die and found myself buried under the ground.

Even though I want to meet you and talk to you, I can't. My body isn't responding to what I'm thinking. My body isn't that strong I can't even walk a few distances with my two feet alone. I look like and act like a rotten vegetable. Pale, weak, and lifeless. I'm literally waiting for my death to come. Please don’t come and see me with this kind of situation I might found my self taking in those medicines I neglected several weeks ago, I might found myself signing the heart transplant procedure. I might consider you as my source of life hope and life once again.

I'm sorry that for how many years, I became weak and a fool of my feelings towards you. I'm so sorry if I let my feelings and emotions towards you destroy everything that we have established. I'm so sorry if I can't be just your best friend. I'm so sorry that I fell in love to you when I shouldn't feel it in the first place. I'm sorry that I have to leave you. I hope you'll find someone that can fix your heart. Unlike me, who only found you, you who breaks my heart.

~~_Park Chanyeol, this is your best friend Byun Baekhyun, and this is maybe the last unsent letter for you._ ~~

_Baekhyun_

~~P.s Hope you come~~


	4. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things have to end. Not in the way you wanted but in a way it supposed to.

Baekhyun was ready to die just like what he always wrote in the letters he will never send to Chanyeol. It was just an ordinary day for Baekhyun, ordinary day of waiting for his death to come when an unexpected visitor came passing by. Unable to stand on his own because of his weak knees and distorted self, his nurse, Taeyeon opened the door just to see a guy wearing his sad and weary face. Taeyeon was not familiar with him, she doesn’t even see him coming ever since she started to be Baekhyun’s nurse for about eight years now.

“Is this where Baekhyun lives?” he asked with his deep, low, and broken voice. Taeyeon nodded hesitantly not knowing whether she should answer this unfamiliar guy in front of her now.

“C-can I talk to him?” he pleaded but it sounds more like begging.

“May I know your name?” Taeyeon asked back. For almost eight years of working and taking care of Baekhyun, she knew that Baekhyun is a kind of depressed and he used to isolate himself from persons who tried to visit him.

“Tell him I’m his best friend, Park Chanyeol,” Chanyeol managed to answer asking himself if the words ‘best’ and ‘friend’ really suit him and still unsure whether by telling his name Baekhyun would want him to enter his house, his life after pulling him out of his nearly eight years already.

“Will you please wait--”

“Taeyeon, who’s there?” said the weak and familiar voice. It was Baekhyun, as a glimpse of his petite best friend approaches Chanyeol’s eyes he wanted to cry. Baekhyun is not like he used to see. Baekhyun was once the jolly and funny person who'd make your nightmares turn into daydreams but what Chanyeol is seeing right now is the total opposite of his best friend, the Baekhyun he never expected to be like this.

Baekhyun felt his knees softened at the sight of the man he has been waiting for appears in front of him, he felt the rapid palpitation of his heart once again if this happened earlier before seeing Chanyeol right in front of this neighborhood he will be glad and he will be muttering incoherently the words, ‘Just one blow’ ‘just one faint’ ‘let me die with this’ but he can’t die now. He can’t, Chanyeol is already near him, already back in front of him.

Baekhyun tried his best to walk the distance between him and Chanyeol but his knees were too weak and he tripped on his first try, he felt like fainting once again, but before he could finally fall to the ground Taeyeon ran and caught him by his arms. Chanyeol followed her and he was right next to her, his insides were shouting to help Baekhyun but he just can’t after all the things he did to him he doesn’t even deserve to touch the delicate and fragile Baekhyun.

“Can you please help me carry him back to his room?” Taeyeon asked which Chanyeol did wholeheartedly. He carried Baekhyun like the way he carried his soon-to-be-ex-wife after their wedding. It was supposed to be Baekhyun he’ll be marrying if he only got the mind to decide on his own.

Chanyeol enters a cold and gloomy apartment with Baekhyun on his arms and hugging his neck while sobbing on his chest and muttering no words. Baekhyun doesn’t have to say how much he has been hurt, Chanyeol can feel it. In every sob that Baekhyun took it felt like a dagger was stabbed into his chest. It was all his fault. It was all his fault on why his best friend suffers this kind of pain, it was all his fault from the very start.

As soon as they reached Baekhyun’s room and was put comfortably on his bed, Taeyeon left the both of them to give them the private space they need to cope up with the times they lose each other. Baekhyun continued to cry as he locked his eyes to the taller guy examining whether if he is true or this is kind of a dream he never wanted to stop. To satisfy his doubt, he let his slender and cold hand touched Chanyeol’s face, he wasn’t dreaming. After longs years of waiting, Chanyeol was in front of him, alive and just like how he always dreamed of. Tears once again started to flow like forever. Chanyeol hushed him with a hug but it doesn’t work, it only makes Baekhyun wanted to cry even more. He can't believe that after how many years after he ended up everything to his life he is now with the hope of his life, he is now with Chanyeol.

“Baek, I’m sorry,” Chanyeol said as his hug got tighter. Baekhyun started to cry even more. It was the only thing he can do in this kind of situation. He wasn't expecting this to happen but all the pain and suffering that were caused by Chanyeol leaving him for how many long years disappeared with only three words he has been waiting since the day Chanyeol wanted him to go out of his life.

Chanyeol let go of the hug and cupped Baekhyun face with his two calloused hands, he can now see the droopy and sloppy eyes of the smaller guy, he used to love but didn’t fight for, “Baek please listen to me,” Chanyeol asked. Ironically, he’s asking the thing he didn’t give Baekhyun before.

Baekhyun was so tired that he doesn’t want to gain more heartbreaks from the things that Chanyeol wants to say and so he shook his head, Chanyeol was completely taken aback of what Baekhyun has said.

“I--I’m so tired, Yeol… I want to rest,” Baekhyun said with his weak smile. Chanyeol eyes widened of disbelief, so this is the feeling when someone rejected to listen to your explanation. Now, he knows.

“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol once again said, and it was Baekhyun’s turn to hush him and as he cupped the other guy’s face saying.

“You don’t have to but… please do me a favor, w--will you?” Baekhyun said as he was trying hard to make those words slipped out of his mouth.

“I’m willing to do everything for you, Baek. One favor isn’t enough for what I’ve done to you,” Baekhyun once again flashed his weak and lifeless smile and nodded

"I want you to continue..." Baekhyun took a deep breath as he felt like his heart palpitated fast in his throat. "The story of Cee and Bee," tears flow as he closed his eyes as he heaved another heavy sigh. It hurts Chanyeol to see Baekhyun like this but he managed to paint his face a gloomy smile when he also remembered the story he told to Baekhyun a hundred or more times before he let him out of his life. The story of Cee and Bee, _the story of him and Baekhyun_.

“Y-you promised you're going continue… e-even it was the end," Baekhyun took a grip on the clothes that covered the giant's chest to gather some strength because he felt that if he doesn't do, he might fall asleep under the giant's embrace and who knows if he still has tomorrow.

Chanyeol took a deep breath before he started to hold his tears from falling and said, "Cee and Bee is a story of friendship turned into supposedly a perfect love story but ended up like a story of lost fate, a misfortune destiny and road mistaken-- or someone chooses not to take," even though he tried hard to stop his tears it seems like they all have the mind to do things that they think is right, the tears started to fall from his eyes as he continues, "Cee and Bee is the story of a giant like Park Chanyeol and his beloved best friend Byun Baekhyun," as he looked on Baekhyun, the petite guy shut his eyes compellingly as his grip on Chanyeol's shirt became tighter. _“Cee and Bee is the story of us,”_ he smiled as he remembered the reason why did he make this story. It was to tell Baekhyun that he was secretly in love with him.

“And to end it properly, let’s claim the story ours,” Baekhyun smiled even it seems so weak and lifeless, Chanyeol saw it as the brightest and warmest smile he would want to see every day. He kissed Baekhyun’s temple and started the story he once made for Baekhyun to realize that it was their story but he ended it with nothing and now, after years of waiting for its continuation, he knew what to tell.

“I fell in love with my best friend, Byun Baekhyun is his the name and he’s right next to me right now, crying and my heart bleeds for seeing him like this especially that the reason why he cries is me,” he continued as he kissed Baekhyun’s forehead once again. Baekhyun rubbed his head like a cat on the giant’s chest still closing his eyes and wearing his weak and soon to fade smile.

“I fell in love with him the first time I saw him, in short, I fell in love with him since we were young." Chanyeol tried to look Baekhyun to see his reaction but the petite one tried to hide his face to the giant face.

“I fell in love with him since we were young and I tried to stop myself from further falling because I know that he will never look at me the same way I look at him. He only sees me as his best friend and he will only love me as friends and will never exceed the boundaries of it…" Chanyeol stopped a bit to make their position a little bit more comfortable, pulling Baekhyun up so he will be resting his head to his shoulders and Chanyeol wrapping his both arms to Baekhyun’s shoulders and waist. He doesn't want to lose this guy anymore. He wants him to rest under his arms.

"But I saw and felt hope when he confesses to me way back in high school, but I don't believe him and that's one of the stupid mistakes I have done for my life." Baekhyun wrapped his arm around Chanyeol’s waist gathering strength and some sense of consciousness. He felt too tired but he wanted to hear the whole story he has been waiting for years.

“I didn't believe him when he said 'I love you' I told him as I told myself also that he was just drunk and he was just saying those things without meaning at all, the next day came, he didn't talk to me. He was just sleeping because of his hangover. And I confirmed that he was just too drunk from last night,’Baekhyun smiles under Chanyeol's arm thinking, 'I did it for a stupid reason, Yeol'

“Nothing unusual happened after that day that makes me think that all that you--Baekhyun said was just a joke and a story of a drunk man. You keep telling our classmates and friends that you love me but I didn't believe you because I know you were just joking-- or that’s what I’m trying to believe,” the giant heaved another heavy sigh as he closed his eyes desperately as he can still remember what he did next,

"I have done another stupid mistake. To confirm if you love me, I told you to help me out with Krystal which you did, and there I realized, that you never really mean to say I love you that night in the retreat and what you are saying was just a joke to make fun of me. You didn't know how much I was hurt when Krystal said yes to me when I propose to her, it should be you but it was too late to take a step back, I'm in a relationship with the girl I didn't love first but as the time goes by I learn how to love her, I love her the way I love you," there's a pang that strikes their hearts and it was too cruel to resist that they have to endure the pain it brings.

”I said to myself that I should love Krystal, I should show her the love she deserves and there I did the things that I supposed to do with you. I made all the effort for Krystal thinking that it was you. Every single thing I made for her, you are the one that comes to my mind. In short, it was her in front of me but you are the one in my mind and my heart," Baekhyun started to cry once again. Chanyeol thought that this was only the start and he wanted to end the story so he can tell his sorry for Baekhyun. He continued telling the story with his broken voice.

"We broke up. I don't know what to feel you're the one I called for help and as what I have been expecting, you came. I was expecting that you’re going to tell me that I don't need her anymore, that you love me. But you still help me with her, you still help me bring her back to my arms once again. And there, I finally realize. Baekhyun only wants me to be with her that he only loves me as friends and nothing more. I was happy when you told me that Krystal was just using me to bring her past love back to her life, I was happy being used by her and I was happy when you heard it first-hand so that you'll pity me and give me the love I deserve but no, you didn't we just continue as a friend like we always did. Krystal talked to me, she wants me back of her life I told her what you told me about her and she said you are just making up stories to destroy our relationship. I don't believe her and ask the reason why would you do that and she answered me because you love me and you want me to be with you and not her. I loathe no one but myself I should have known that you love me but I ignore it because you never said it to me and for you to tell me you love me I keep my relationship with Krystal until you come passing by my apartment you saw Krystal first and I know what you are thinking," he took a glimpse of Baekhyun face, he’s hurt like always and it is all because of him.

“And to clear this thing out, nothing happened between me and Krystal that night. Nothing happened between the two us. She just wants to have my shirt with her. I know what you are thinking that night and I was so enraged that you can think of that thing to me and so I made a decision, I made the decision of sending you out of my life. I told you you are desperate and stupid. I told you I hate you because you're trying to ruin our relationship but that's not true. All I want you to know is how much I love and I don't want to lose you,” Chanyeol heaved a heavy sigh when he remembers what happened next.

“And I receive the most painful punch of my life. I saw you crying, I want to wipe those tears away but I can't because I don't deserve to lay a hand on you after all the things I said to you and that very moment, I throw you out of my life. I regret that night, I regret everything that I did to you. But my pride stands taller than I am and I didn't stop you from walking away from my life. I keep my relationship with Krystal even though it is really unhealthy and it only keeps both of us from loving the one we supposed to love."

"Several weeks passed after that night, I didn't see you anywhere on the campus until one day you came approaching me telling me you're going to die. I didn't believe and I was the most stupid person to tell things that are opposite of what I really mean, I told you to die. I'm sorry Baek. I'm really really sorry I was a jerk that I didn't mind telling you things that might hurt you.” He whispered I’m sorry to Baekhyun ears several times and Baekhyun just nodded and pleaded him to continue.

“We graduated, and I didn't know where to find you. I continue loving Krystal thinking that it was you I'm kissing, hugging and loving. I know she doesn't love me and I know I didn't love her that much as I love you, but I can't do anything, I can't leave her since she still needs me and because I don't want all the things I've done to hurt you gone and just to realize that you're the one I love and will never be her. I was too desperate to let you know how much I can love someone so I decided to marry her. I even invited you but not for you to see how much I'm in love with her but for you to stop me from the lifetime commitment I going through with her but you didn't come and it hurts. It is like the other way of telling me you don't care for me anymore,” Baekhyun kissed Chanyeol face after telling those words to him. He was thinking how can life be this so complicated? The universe knows that they both love each other but why did they end up hurting each other in the most unpredictable and painful way. They could just spend the rest of Baekhyun’s life cuddling and sleeping next to each other but what happened doesn’t correlate with their feelings. And now, that they were so close to each other the universe still wants them to suffer the pain of yesterday, the pain of all the decisions they made.

“I continue being with Krystal, I love her the way she deserves but you’re still on my mind. She started cheating on me, she commits infidelity, I can’t blame her for doing so, I know that we are just using each other to make the love of life back to our life, I never make love with her. I can’t imagine you hurting more if I lay her on our bed that’s why when I know that she got pregnant with some other male, we decided to settle a divorce paper. We don't want to be a slave of each other's wrong decisions in life. As the papers are in process, I started to find wherever you are but you are not staying in the same old house that your parents left you, your not in the apartment you used to stay when we were in college, I talked to Jongin, I ask him if he ever crossed on your neighborhood. He doesn't want to tell me where you are living and so I tried hard to find your place. I can't blame you for doing so, after all, I don’t deserve to be you with all the things I’ve done to you. I wouldn’t be shocked if you don’t want me to enter this apartment earlier,”

“I--I waited for so long, Yeol,”

Baekhyun said with all the strength he can manage. Now, that he heard the story behind the tragic love story they have, he doesn't want it to become more awful and all he wanted to do is spend the rest of his life with Chanyeol. He knew that there were so many things that he needed to tell Chanyeol. He wanted to demand more explanation but the fact that Chanyeol loved him and he was sorry for all the things he had done to him long years before was enough for him to forgive Chanyeol and what's the point of making things for so long, any minute now he could die and before he finally leaves this world he wished that even in a short period he can make all the things he wanted to do with Chanyeol.

"Baek, I'm so sorry for causing you so much pain like this. I promise I'll make things up to you--" Baekhyun used his thumb to stop Chanyeol further saying, caressing the giant's soft and plump lips.

"Yeol, I'm hopeless... I'm dying..." Every word took a certain time to finally slipped from Baekhyun's lip. He's tired and his body was too weak, he palpitated faster and he can feel his head breaking every system of his body. He groaned out of pain and it broke Chanyeol heart to see it personally, he hated to see Baekhyun like this.

"Baek, where's your medicine I take it for you," Chanyeol stands up to take Baekhyun's medicine but Baekhyun's cold and pale hand stopped him from doing.

"Please stay," Baekhyun said with his sloppy eyes. "I need you by my side,"

"But Baekhyu--" the petite held his hand tighter than the first one.

"Please…" Chanyeol did what he was told to do.

As soon as Chanyeol brought his body back to the place beside Baekhyun, the petite one found comfort in Chanyeol's chest once again.

"Tell me how much you love me," Baekhyun said. This was what he wanted to know before the time came before his life could finally end. He wanted to end the story of Cee and Bee, of him and Chanyeol with the answer to this question.

"I'm willing to give my life to you, Baek. That's how I love you," Chanyeol simply answered.

"Let me sleep... I love you," Baekhyun said as he reaches the taller man's lips and brushes his for a while.

Chanyeol wrapped his arm around the smaller's waist as he kissed Baekhyun more delicate and caring. He never kissed someone like this before, only Baekhyun can give him this kind of feeling. Baekhyun’s tears flowed down from his eyes, he finally felt the hope he's been praying but it seemed too late.

Chanyeol pulled away first saying, "I'm sorry for everything, Baek." Baekhyun reached for his face, "You don't have to... you're right, what supposed to happen... must happen,"

Chanyeol's tears started to flow. If he only stands for his love for Baekhyun, the situation wouldn't be like this. He could have been happily married to this guy and never with someone else. If he only believed Baekhyun way back in their retreat they could have been happily living their life today. But Baekhyun was right for telling him before that life is all about choices, it is about how you choose that one over the million others and for him, he chose to hurt Baekhyun rather than showing and telling him how much he loved this guy beside him in more than a million ways.

"I'm sorry. You don't deserve someone like me, Baek. I can't give you the love you deserve but give me a time and I will give you my heart, I promise," Baekhyun smiled frailly.

_"That is yours to keep... makes that heart beats for me,"_

“Promise me tomorrow, Baek please.”

“I can’t promise, Yeol. I don’t hold tomorrow in my hands,” Baekhyun answered and closed his eyes and finds his slumber, hoping that it will not last forever.

\---

After hours of staying beside Baekhyun and securing his in good condition, if he still breathes, Chanyeol managed to roam around the petite's room. This room was far too different from what Baekhyun wanted for his room, Chanyeol knew. Not this melancholic and morbid room he's staying. The giant reached for the messed up table in Baekhyun’s room. He tried to clean the table knowing that Baekhyun wanted his things in order but he found something that gave him hope and for his love for Baekhyun even it was crumpled a bit the messages it conveys are clearly written.

_Heart Transplant_

A few words that made Chanyeol look for the sleeping Baekhyun, the letter was given to him a few months earlier why didn’t he accept it? To know the answer he left Baekhyun’s room to ask his nurse about the said letter about the surgery.

When Chanyeol reached the kitchen he saw Taeyeon face. “How was he?” she asks Chanyeol as she helps herself in while carrying the tray with what seems like to be medicine and a glass of water.

“He’s asleep a few hours already,” Taeyeon smiled at him as she puts the tray on the table to fix its content.

“He has been like that since I came to him. He has no hope and the only thing he does every single night is to cry on a certain letter he has been writing,” Taeyeon started as she takes an empty seat. Chanyeol made the gap between him and Taeyeon a bit closer as he took his seat right next to Taeyeon.

“I’ll wake him up and give him his medicines. He really needs it.” Chanyeol offered for Taeyeon advantage and to at least show Baekhyun that he cared but Taeyeon shook and stopped him from doing so.

"It's still a bit early for that let him rest for a while anyway, he stopped taking up his medicines maybe several months ago, he wants to end his life. Here." Taeyeon fished a piece of paper on her pocket and handed it over to Chanyeol, confused whether what’s with the paper he reads the contents. It was Baekhyun penmanship but a bit odd from what he used to see.

_Dear tomorrow,_

_Please don’t make your way on my life once again._

_You hurt me and make me suffer._

_End my life today._

_Baekhyun_

“That is one of those letters he writes every single day but a couple of months ago, I saw this one." she handed over another paper to Chanyeol.

_#3196_

_Yeol,_

_I’m waiting for you please come while I can still manage to live my life_

_Baekhyun_

“I wonder why he didn’t let you go earlier. Usually, he throws anyone out of this apartment because he wants to be all alone but when I remember for whom that letter addressed. It already answered my question. You’re the one he has been waiting for and you just came when he already at the verge of dying. Baekhyun suffers from the pain that his disease caused him but I know the pain is not all about his condition but that certain someone who made him wait for so long.” Taeyeon smiled at him. They both knew why. Chanyeol made his hand into a fist after what he heard from Taeyeon only to realize that he still has the letter in his hands he remembered and asked

“What is this all about?”

"That is the only hope he had that he never considered."

“But it can cure him. It can help him live longer, right?” He desperately asked. Taeyeon stood up to wake Baekhyun up before she answered, “If he wants to,”.

“But why doesn’t he want it?’ Taeyeon shrugged as an answer as she took the tray and lift it with his two hands to deliver it to Baekhyun’s room but she stopped half-way through it when a loud thud echoed all over the apartment it was coming from the room above, specifically, from Baekhyun’s room. That sound made Taeyeon and Chanyeol flustered for a while as they processed in their mind what may be the cause of the sound but as when a painful groan reaches their hearing, they washed away the stupid question in their minds, it was Baekhyun. Faster than the speed of light, Chanyeol came running towards Baekhyun’s room as Taeyeon followed right after him. Chanyeol didn't know why does he feel the sudden nervousness and anxiety as his step closed his distance to Baekhyun. As they reached the room where the loud thud came from, the door was slightly ajar, beads of sweat started to form on his forehead, as he becomes more perturbed when he saw Baekhyun lying on the floor clutching portion of his clothes on his chest as the pearls of tears present on his droopy and lifeless eyes, “Baek!” Chanyeol said as he patted the shoulder of the petite one trying to collect the remaining consciousness from his best friend.

“I’ll call an ambulance,” Taeyeon presented as she made her way out of the room.

Chanyeol’s heart tore apart as he saw his best friend like suffering like this, “Baekhyun, please hung on. Please…” Chanyeol’s pleased the barely breathing Baekhyun on his lap. “Damn, Baekhyun. Please." The desperation and anxiety in combination are like the frustration that will bother the rest of Chanyeol’s well being. The feeling of regret and sorrow integrated with it making him like a crazy man who lost everything with him. Baekhyun managed to open his teary eyes, his shaking and cold hand cups Chanyeol face wiping the tears that flowing from his eyes. “I don’t want to see me like this…” Baekhyun took a long grasping breath, "..but I’m happy you’re here for me.” Baekhyun closed his eyes desperately trying to fight the pain inside his chest. “I love you.”

The world that spun around the both of them seems to stop as Baekhyun’s hand fall from Chanyeol’s face. Baekhyun closed his eyes as the wailing sound of a siren came ringing outside his apartment. Chanyeol couldn't move from his place, he couldn't even muster a word while he was watching some of the hospital staff carry Baekhyun and took him away from him.

He finally watched the end.

***

_Four Years Later_

Chanyeol calmly set the last letter he had on fire, he finished reading everything after years. All those letters contained Baekhyun’s pain, longing, resentment, and agony. It was all for him and nothing more. He watched those written emotions turn into ash as the fire consumed everything within it.

That was years ago and he needed to let go of everything. He also needed to move on.

Chanyeol’s divorce was granted and he’s happy for her that he finally set the girl free from him. He watched Krystal love the guy he truly deserved. At least once in a lifetime, Chanyeol made a good decision for others and set them to their happily ever after. He just wished he can turn back time and realized those things before it ended.

“A penny for your thoughts?” voice soft and warm. He never thought he could hear it again after that day. It was like a dream came true that he still has this guy warm and alive beside him.

"I'm sorry," Chanyeol spoke. Warm arms were wrapped around his waist from his back, "I love you.” Baekhyun says as he buried his face on Chanyeol’s wide back. Chanyeol freed his waist from Baekhyun’s arms as he faced him. He kissed Baekhyun’s forehead, “I love you too.” he left a peck on the petite lips.

“No more sorry okay?” Chanyeol nodded in response as he pulled Baekhyun’s into a hug. "I'm happy you're here," he mumbled on Baekhyun’s locks.

“Shall we start writing Cee and Bee happy ending?” Baekhyun leaned away to see Chanyeol’s face as he said those words. “But I don’t want them to end," Chanyeol pouted like a puppy. The petite chuckled and pinched the giant’s nose. “Then let’s make it forever.” Baekhyun happily smiled, “Yes, forever.”

_"Bee was given another life to be with Cee it doesn’t last longer like others but the small infinity that was made up of pain and sorrow turned into a perfect disaster that complete an infinity of happiness and love._

_Cee realized that everything doesn’t have to simply end. He realized that the end stretched beyond and will continue even after the story has been ended. One happy ending doesn’t justify the happiness and joy that will continue forever..."_

_"...the forever they have promised to each other doesn’t cease even their bodies did. "_


End file.
